GERMANS HAVE ALL THE FUN

BLACK METAL MONDAY

RIDING THE BUS WITH MY SISTER

You're 8 years old. You think of yourself as the "class clown." You do a retard impression that all of your friends find hilarious. Life is good.

Flash forward 35 years. You have your own daytime talk show. You've had a moderately successful movie career. You're American's #2 lesbian icon. Life is still good, but where do you go from here? There's really only one option: it's time to revive your childhood retard impression.




Here's what real internet people have to say:

"I thought this was a very touching and human story... my family and I loved it and I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys decent and honest stories with very real, human characters and very insightful and at times confronting observations on life. I agree with the comment made by another user who thought that Rosie O'Donnell deserves an Oscar for her portrayal of Beth. This film made me laugh and cry!"

"Although the film is directed more toward women, I enjoyed it(I am a male) and I suggest it to many people."

"Rosanne [sic] was better than excellent in this role. Her portrayal of Beth was exceptional. I'm nearly speechless."

"Hallmark Movies has not failed us yet."

"I would like to thank Hallmark and Rosie O'Donnell for a well-acted and well-presented movie that I will allow my young grandchildren to watch. That in itself is a real accomplishment in this age of Science Fiction and bad language."

"Watching Rosie O Donnel as a retard is magnificent. Her acting skills are unbelievably realistic, similar to other characters that were retarded such as Rainman and Special Ed. This role was meant for her and this character's life was meant for her. Bring this film to a party and your friends will be delighted as she screams, yells, and acts like, well - a retard - in this spectacular made-for-TV movie. Riding the Bus With my Sister's weakest point is that Rosie is not featured in every scene. There are a couple uninteresting subplots, which just aren't worth seeing. The film would have been much better if Rosie had been on a bus for the whole hour and a half. There are some other minor problems with the movie as well - in one scene Rosie is wearing yellow and can be mistaken for the actual bus. Any person with a strong humerus bone should see this modern day comedy classic." I couldn't have put it better myself.

POSTER DUMP

Urban Inks


Michael Munter


Mark Moore


El Roacho


Charles Ben Russell

BLACK METAL MONDAY

POSTER DUMP

Roy G. Biv


Steve Quenell


Mark Moore


Malleus


Lilas

FUN FACT #4

Anyone recognize the little guy with the microphone?



If you said "Tina Turner's little bitch in Beyond Thunderdome" you are correct.

Angry Anderson

And while we're on the subject of Rose Tattoo, has anyone else noticed how unintentionally homoerotic this band is? Don't believe me? Let's take a quick look at the song titles on their first album: "Nice Boys", "One of the Boys", "Bad Boy for Love"? Um, is it just me or does Angry seem a little boycrazy? Throw in some lyrics like "got tattooed arms and rings in my ears, never gonna suffer a straight man's fears" and you've basically got the musical equivalent of He-Man.

And what's with all the pictures of the band cuddling?





If Angry ever reads this, he's gonna kick my ass.

POSTER DUMP

Juul


Jason Killinger


Jason Killinger


David Dandrea


Craig Bryant


Alan Forbes and Arik Roper

BLACK METAL MONDAY: FURZE "Reaper Subconscious Guide"

It’s no secret that black metal as a genre is full of stale predictability. Rife with formulaic bands willing to comfortably tread paths blazed decades ago, it’s easy to become bored and write black metal off as a dying art. Norwegian one-man BM entity Furze, lead by the enigmatic Woe J. Reaper, is certainly not one of the acts to regurgitate the tremelo-riffing, blasting, boombox-recorded tropes many bands cling to like a blood-stained security blanket. “Reaper Subconscious Guide,” Furze’s fourth full-length album, is a welcome rarity – a black metal record with personality.

A self-proclaimed “birthday card” to 1970s Black Sabbath, “RSG” is as much a twisted and strange doom metal album as it is a black metal one. With slow tempos and nary a blast beat to be found, chunky, bluesy riffs and sneered clean vocals, other Scandinavian Sabbath-heads like Reverend Bizarre come to mind, but this still sounds like nothing else out there. Sure, like many metal bands – black or otherwise – Reaper wears his influences on his sleeve – Bathory, Darkthrone, Celtic Frost/Hellhammer, and of course Sabbath – but as in previous Furze albums a distinct sense of “playfulness” is detectable. That’s right, a playful black/doom album. Still this ain’t no party album, it’s just certainly not as grim and humorless as 99% of BM (newer Darkthrone making up the other 1% of that equation!).

Strange instruments crop up – you’ll hear plenty of glockenspiel, acoustic guitar and gong on this platter – whispered, chanting falsettos spring from the mix, and you really never know where the song will turn. Eschewing the two-riff-per-song minimalist approach, Reaper writes tunes with plenty of meat on their bones, and the songs actually sound different, each with its own atmosphere, from rocking to drugged-out, to eerie to almost bouncy. Admittedly, the instrumental tones occasionally sound strange and almost weak, but I tend to think this is intentional, an attempt to make the album more intimate – a real glimpse into the frazzled brain of Woe J. Reaper.

Some have leveled accusations of “joke band” at Furze, perhaps because Reaper’s bizarre, stream of consciousness liner notes and the sometimes off-the-wall aspects of the music itself could be misconstrued as attempts to satirize black metal or as ironic posturing. Such close-mindedness is not to be taken seriously. “Reaper Subconscious Guide” is a genuine piece of work, crafted with care and dedication to metal from a fellow who is probably just really fucking weird. Highly recommended!

NOTES FROM BELOW

If you have any interest in contemporary poster art, you have most likely heard of Stacie Willoughby. She is one of the most talented and prolific artists in the game. She is most easily recognized as (((folkYEAH!)))'s resident artist. You may also have seen her work featured in our "poster dumps." As of today she finally has her own website up, so smoke a fatty and give your eyes a treat.

POSTER DUMP

Josh Staples


James Flames


Emek


Darwin


Craig Horky

BLACK METAL MONDAY: DISPIRIT

Listening to Dispirit is not fun. Their brand of black metal is not created with fist pumping or head banging in mind. Just look at their name – that’s what their music sounds like. Depressing, soul crushing, and definitely heavy. Dispirit is definitely in the cold and grim camp, but theirs is an urban form of black metal forged in San Francisco fog, not the “Funeral Fog” of Norway.

Their “Rehearsal at Oberoten” demo, released earlier this year, features two meandering tracks clocking it at just over 30 minutes. There’s a lot of tension and release here, with the first track, “Ixtab’s Lure,” starting at a slow and pounding, almost doomish pace. Dynamics are key. Blast beats are used very sparingly, with the band preferring to drag you through the muck and mire rather than hurtle you through a whipping black storm. Vocals are kept back in the mix, a howl or chant coming though the churning guitars on occasion. Surprisingly melodic guitar solos crop up from time to time, a welcome treat when many bands in the genre are unwilling to use this technique.

Being a rehearsal recording, “Oberoten” is certainly raw and fuzzy, but in this context it doesn’t take anything away from the listening experience. It’s a step above a boombox recording but you would never mistake it for being cut in a professional studio. The rawness adds atmosphere, as it should for black metal.

I saw Dispirit open for Portal in San Francisco in May, shortly after this demo was released, and they were loud and tight with great stage presence. Dispirit is the kind of band that doesn’t need a flashy stage show, corpse paint, or bullet belts to impress an audience; their intricate, crushing and above all, emotional black metal is enough.

Photo by Taylor Keahley of Brooklyn Vegan

MERRY KRAMPUS

MACROCOSMOSMOSMOSM

New video for Portland psych-wizards, Macrocosm:

BLACK MASSES!!!

Fuck me! Have you heard the new Electric Wizard? It's is easily the best thing the Wizard has put out since Dopethrone. Hell, it may even be better. (I'm not gonna say it but I might be thinking it.) It's certainly not as face-crushingly brutal as Dopethrone but what it lacks in hardness, it makes up for in heaviness. We're talking serious smoke-infused grooves, baby. We're talking about grooves that make you wanna fuck a virgin on a pagan altar. Sexy.

Black Masses starts of with the title track which was a good call cuz it's one of the best songs on the album. It's a bit faster than usual but the riffs are still beefy as fuck and the vocals are almost catchy if you can believe that. I don't want to get into a long and boring song-by-song synopsis but I do want to mention that the song "Turn Off Your Mind" is fucking killer. Jus Oborn's vocals are reeeeeally good on this one. They're particularly good on the whole album, actually. But seriously, this track makes me feel like I got dosed and stepped onto the set of a 70's occultsploitation flick.

The thing that makes Black Masses better than a lot of EW's other albums (and most albums by other bands in the genre, for that matter) is that these wizards have really figured out how to keep their riffs interesting. Doom/stoner/etc. is about riffs and repetition but let's face it, a lot of it can get rather boring after a while. The trick is to change the way you play that same riff over and over again so that it doesn't sound the same. And EW have really nailed it this time around. Most of their songs don't have more than two riffs but they add enough other shit in there (wah-wahed-the-fuck-out solos, chanting, and is that a synthesizer I hear in the background?) to keep your attention for six (plus) minutes.

My only complaint is the last track, "Crypt of Drugula." It's a pretty half-assed noise drone that goes on forfuckingever but doesn't go anywhere but whatever, it's the last track so I can just turn it off and put on another album.

This album is being release on vinyl on December 21. The cheapest place I've found to pre-order it is here. If you don't give a rat's ass about vinyl you can pick it up right now at your local music store.